Ever since *Miho opened up her online store, hundreds of people from around Cambodia have been requesting to buy her sex toys. The demand is high enough that she sells five to six items a day.
With product prices ranging from $15-$85, she is making significantly more money than most Phnom Penh citizens’ average monthly income of $290. Within months of opening up shop, she was able to leave behind her former job as a real estate agent. But unlike most black market merchants, for Miho, it is about much more than money.
“I don’t know a lot about feminism,” she said, “But I know that women should have access to freedom…Making sex toys illegal takes away freedom from women.”
While sex toys have become more accepted around the world and grown into an industry worth tens of billions of dollars, in Cambodia, this market remains unlawful. But sex toys have become more popular among the newer generations of Cambodians and black market shops have popped up to supply growing demand.
Making sex toys illegal takes away freedom from women”
Miho, sex toy entrepreneur
Miho, one of these sex toy dealers, gave an inside look into her business. Contrasting stereotypical perceptions about types of people involved in Southeast Asia’s black markets, Miho is a young, bubbly Khmer woman. With a diverse online catalogue of different types of sex toys, as well as thousands of followers on her social media, she is one of the more prominent dealers operating in Phnom Penh today.
While Cambodian law does not overtly ban sex toys in legislation, they are generally prosecuted under Chapter 5 of the Law on Suppression of Human Trafficking and Sexual Exploitation, which bans the distribution of pornography.
Human rights groups also say the laws are unclear and unhelpful.
According to Chak Sopheap, executive director of the Cambodian Center for Human Rights, the definition of pornography under the law is vague, allowing the government to legally prosecute a broad range of behaviors of which they disapprove, particularly activities that ‘affect Khmer culture.’
“Unfortunately, the government has on several occasions used the justification of the necessity to ‘preserve Khmer culture’ or ‘the values of dignity of Cambodian women’ to control women’s behaviour,” she explained.
Despite this illegality, the sex toy market is growing in Cambodia. A new group of social media savvy entrepreneurs like Miho are finding new ways to heat up the sex toy industry anyway.
The industry mostly operates on social media. While there are no official estimates on the prevalence of the trade, there are many sellers on social media marketing the products to countless netizens. Some LGBTQ+ youth in Phnom Penh also report that it is not uncommon to receive marketing messages over LGBTQ+ oriented dating apps touting the products.
In 2020, Miho bought sex toys for herself from China, and posted about her experiences on social media. She said that when she started receiving a lot of comments and questions from her followers, she soon realised that there was a huge interest in these products despite them being a major taboo for women in Khmer culture.
While there are ways of acquiring sex toys in Cambodia, mostly by importing them directly from foreign countries, many find the process intimidating. Although there are several websites and Facebook pages purporting to sell sex toys, they rarely have information in the Khmer language and many appear to be scams.
Miho believes that Cambodians need to trust both sellers and their products. That’s why her online store features practical demonstrations and explanations in Khmer.
But the trust Miho talks about is not only limited to her role as a sex-toy seller.
Many people who contact her seem less interested in the products, but instead are more eager to have conversations with a sex-positive woman. Some have never been able to talk to anyone about their sexuality. She regularly receives life stories from her customers.
These stories, Miho added, are often painful.
One 40-something-year old woman confided in her that for the last decade she had never received sexual pleasure from her husband, but contracted STDs from him after he slept with other women.
Several younger women and teenagers have told her that they were sexually harassed by their relatives, but were too ashamed to tell anybody about it until they saw her online store.
“They just need someone to talk to,” Miho said, estimating that she receives over 100 messages a day, about 70% of which come from women. Responding to all of them has become almost a full-time job. When women open up about their experiences to her, they are going against what has long been considered the ideal way for women to behave in Khmer culture.
When women open up about their experiences to her, they are resisting what has long been considered the ideal way for women to behave in Khmer culture.
A list of rules for Khmer women, known as “Chbab Srey,” has been handed down in the form of a poem attributed to King Ang Duong in the 19th century. There is disagreement about from whom and when the list actually originated.
Studying the Chbab Srey was mandatory in schools across Cambodia until 2007, and they still have huge significance in the national culture.
“Do not bring external problems into the home. Do not take internal problems out of the home,” reads one of the poem’s rules for women. This cultural norm leads many Cambodian women to feel that it is wrong for them to be vocal about their problems, according to Miho. She said that many women were nervous when they first started talking to her, but she tries to make them feel more comfortable.
But while younger Cambodians are largely enthusiastic about her work, Miho said she has seen hostility from older generations.
“You’re ruining Cambodian women,” Miho paraphrased a response she saw online. “Trying to make them more like Europeans.”
But this criticism is nonsense, according to Catherine Harry, a Cambodian feminist activist and sex educator who was featured in Forbes’s 2018 “30 under 30 Asia” list for her work in breaking down taboos around sex.
“If you really think about it, ancient Khmer culture was heavily influenced by Hindi culture. We can’t forget the Kama Sutra when talking about sex and Hindi culture,” Harry said. “I have yet to see any reliable sources from historians that prove that Cambodian culture explicitly banned sex toys. I believe a part of it can be traced back to the French colonial times.”
In her view, much of what conservative Cambodians refer to as authentic or ideal Khmer culture was actually introduced by the French and their Christian-influenced views on sexuality.
As an example, she mentioned the country’s famous Apsara dancers, who used to perform topless, but now wear a white shirt under their jewellery.
Today, some who have taken Apsara inspired topless pictures at the Angkor temples have been investigated and even prosecuted by the Apsara Authority for disrespecting traditional Cambodian values. Harry refers to this phenomenon as “Colonial Amnesia.”
She also dismissed a commonly cited concern that public display of sex toys and other things considered pornography could increase men’s libido to the point that they committed rape. She rather thinks it is a matter of ‘male fragility.’
“I have seen many instances where men feel emasculated by their partners using sex toys because they feel insecure and they feel like they’ve been rendered obsolete,” Harry said.
Whatever the reasons, the products remain illegal, and sex toy dealers run a risk of being prosecuted and publicly shamed. As such, Miho has a system for keeping her business underground.
Her store is entirely online, but she makes a point to not advertise on Facebook, instead preferring to use social media platforms which lean more heavily towards younger users, such as Tiktok and Instagram.
“They will decide to arrest you based on the judgement of the public,” Miho said, explaining that she does not believe the police would intervene unless enough people demanded ‘justice.’
Her products are all imported by land from abroad, but the specific details of this are a trade secret. Once they have been picked up, they are stored in a specially rented flat in Phnom Penh. When a customer places an order, it is delivered to them discreetly in a pink paper bag complete with a thank you note.
With no face to face contact involved, the process is quite straightforward and the business is able to operate with few staff. While business is already booming, she hopes to expand her reach and encourage more Cambodians to explore their sexuality without shame. She even dreams of inventing her own sex toy.
Although the limited size of her operation keeps her safe, there is always a risk that police could crackdown on her.
“If I ever got arrested, I would change something about this country,” she said. “I would win the hearts of the public.”
*names have been changed to protect sources’ identities
